We live in a diverse world. As supporters, we get opportunities to work with people who share identities with us and people who have very different identities from ours. This diversity makes our jobs and our lives rich and meaningful. This multi-part series aims to build skills to better support all people.
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Tip #7 Understand your own culture.
Todd was raised to believe that most expensive purchases were wasteful. His grandmother would tell him that “a penny saved is a penny earned.” Todd would often judge others who he believed made expensive and frivolous purchases, especially families who were not as well off as his.
To overcome these thoughts, Todd had to learn that his grandmother’s approach to handling money was not the only way of doing things. He now understands that everyone has different values around money management and that his values are not superior to others.
Punctuality was important to Lin. She believed that being more than ten minutes late to a meeting showed disrespect and lack of caring. When Isabella arrived late to multiple meetings, Lin became frustrated. During their meetings, Isabella was always fully attentive, while Lin would often take breaks to respond to calls and emails.
Weeks later, Lin discovered that in Isabella’s family, the concept of time was much more relaxed and being present while relating to one another was more valued. Isabella was acting in a way that was normal in her family and country of origin. Not realizing this difference, Lin had mistakenly assumed that Isabella was disrespectful and that she didn’t care about their meetings.
When Lin meets with Isabella now, she uses the time before Isabella arrives to respond to calls and emails. After she arrives, Lin puts her electronics away.
Culture is the lens through which we see the world. If we don’t understand our own values and preferences, we can fall into the trap of thinking that our way of doing things is “right,” and anyone different is “wrong.”
- What are some of your values that guide your life? How do they influence the way you go about doing your work?
- How might your culture be different from the that of people you work with? For example, what do you consider “on time”… five minutes early, right on the minute, ten minutes after? To a meeting? To a party?
- Find out more about your own culture and how it relates to others. Review our previous two articles here and here for more tips.
Tip #8 Support cultural identity.
Aniya is a young woman with epilepsy. While her foster providers do a great job providing for her physical needs, she often expresses discomfort with her own body. Aniya was recently connected to an epilepsy support group online. She was surprised how many people experience the same things that she experiences.
After returning from her first social meeting with the group, Aniya shared that others with epilepsy are very normal, and even cool.
Dae is a middle-aged man who immigrated to the United States from South Korea with his parents when he was six. He no longer has any contact with his family of origin. Until last year, everyone in Dae’s life was white.
Ryan (who is Korean-American) was recently hired to work in Dae’s group home. When Ryan prepared Ramyeon, Dae showed how happy he was by laughing and clapping his hands. Ryan put together a book of recipes that others could try with Dae. He also suggested a Korean church Dae could try, where he would be able to meet others who shared his cultural identity .
Community is important to all of us. It is essential to our emotional and social well-being to be part of communities with people that share similar identities. This is especially true when we are otherwise unlikely to meet people with similar identities to ours.
- Not everyone needs a community for every identity that they have. It is important that we consider if others feel supported in their different layers of cultural identities.
- As supporters, we may need to think about how we can help others connect with the communities that are important to them.
- How could technology support people to engage more with their cultural identity?
Tip #9 Realize your limits as a supporter.
Lo is a young woman who identifies as queer. She wants to meet others who share this identity. She is interested in social justice, writing, queer culture, and being a part of her town’s LGBTQIA community.
Berniece, Lo’s primary support provider, has a close bond with Lo and cares about her very much. Berniece has been married to her husband for many years. She is not familiar with queer culture. Berniece wants to help Lo meet others who identify as queer. She searches the internet for local LGBTQIA events, and since she knows that Lo gets anxious about going places alone, she offers to take Lo. Lo declines going with Berniece.
Sanjay has recently started missing days at work. He has not wanted to leave his house. His supporter, Amber, noticed that he seems more unsteady on his feet. He has been using his walker all the time, while in the past he only used it for longer walks. She is concerned that he is afraid of falling, so she offers to help him with his shower. Sanjay gets angry and tells her he is “not a baby.” Amber discovers later that Sanjay is not comfortable with a young woman helping with his personal care.
Our job as supporters is not to be a person’s “everything.” Our job, rather, is to help people connect with the communities which are important to them. Sometimes that means we have to take a step back from personally providing supports. We may need to get creative about the possibilities and make space for others to support people in their unique identities.
Consider…
- Do you understand the person’s preference on how they’d like to be supported?
- Is there another person who can be a better match for this specific support? Keep in mind that all supports do not need to be provided by a single person.
- What are potential opportunities for the person to branch out and meet others they share things in common with? How do they feel about that?
- How could we help support a person from the sidelines, while they shine? What do we need to learn?
- Could an assistive device or technology be helpful?
This is a light-hearted but informative video about being a good ally to people who are part of a marginalized group but want to help.
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