This month, we’ll cover a topic that is foundational for person-centered planning and supports. Whether you plan with and support others or if you advocate for your own plan and supports, these concepts can really help to express what matters. We’re talking about ‘Important TO’, ‘Important FOR’, and finding the balance between.
Important TO
What part of your morning routine helps the day to go more smoothly? Who can always bring a smile to your face? What helps you feel better when you’ve had a hard day?
Our ‘important TO’s can be a lot of different things, but ultimately, these are the things that make us feel happy, content, comforted, satisfied, and fulfilled. Put simply- these are the things that make life good from our own perspective.
Importantly, only I can say what is important TO me. Only you can say what is important TO you. Important TO is our own truth, it’s who we are and what we value. Consider the followig examples:
- Marlyn adores her dog Ruffus. He helps her feel calm and gets her walking and outside each day
- Li is vegan and is part of an online community that share recipes, ideas, and vegan friendly restaurants.
- Julia has a vision for ending world hunger. It gives her a sense of purpose as she volunteers at a local food pantry.
- Mahalia is on the school board. Being a community leader is important to her.
- Francis visits the coast every month. They love to see the seasons change and they look forward to each trip.
- Kristopher goes to the gym after work each day. This helps him unwind and enjoy his evening.
- Lyda likes to have plans on the weekend. Even if she’s just visiting a friend, having structure to her weekend helps her relax.
- Ruben is proud of his baseball card collection and shows it to everyone who visits his home.
Each person has things that are important to them- regardless of how they communicate this information with others. If you are planning with or supporting someone who does not use words to communicate- how does that person share about what is important to them? Do you have a sense of what brings them happiness, comfort, and fulfillment? How do you know—in other words, how did they share this with you?
Important FOR
Has anyone ever told you that “you should” do something? Has a professional, such as a doctor, dentist, or home contractor, given you advice they strongly encourage you to follow?
Our ‘important FOR’s are all about health and safety. Health can include a lot of different things, such as treating medical conditions, preventing illness, and supporting wellness. A reminder that health includes mental health! Safety is concerned with wellbeing- including physical and emotional safety.
Important FOR can also include what others see as important for us to be valued members of our communities- recognizing that each person defines for themselves which communities they belong to. For instance, your boss might say it’s important for you to clock in on time and get all your work done. The barista at your favorite coffee shop might say it’s important for you to wait in line, instead of cutting to the front.
Unlike ‘important to’, ‘important FOR’ can come from others’ perspectives, not just our own. Consider the following:
- It is important for Daniel to live in a neighborhood with crosswalks that alert him audibly as they change, so that he can cross with only his cane.
- It is important for Dev to feel safe at home. For him this means that no one raises their voice, including staff and roommates.
- Lula speaks with her therapist each week and checks in with her psychiatrist every two months.
- Justine gets his flu shot each fall.
- When Paula got an ear infection last month, they went to the doctor and got antibiotics.
- Viktor will take a “mental health day” when he begins to feel overwhelmed at work.
Balance Between
Eloise values taking a shower by herself. She likes to be independent. Eloise thinks warm showers are relaxing and help her de-stress. Eloise is also at risk of falling, especially when she’s taking a shower. Support is needed to help prevent falls.
The following images may help to illustrate what “out of balance” and “in balance” could look like for Eloise:
Out of Balance Support
Eloise doesn’t want anyone in the bathroom with her while showering. Supporters have concluded that they can’t support her in the shower.
- Only Important TO is addressed, without consideration for health and safety
- “Happy and Unsafe”
Out of Balance Support
Supporters stay in the bathroom with Eloise when she’s showering, no matter what she wants. If Eloise yells at them to leave, they stay with her and make sure she doesn’t fall.
- Only Important FOR is considered, Important TO is not addressed
This is how the I/DD system historically approached support. This did harm to many people! - “Safe and Miserable”
Balanced Support
Eloise’s supporters make sure she has her shower chair and that grab bars set up. They clear the bathroom floor of clothes, towels, and puddles. They also leave the door cracked and stay in the living room (within hearing distance) in case Eloise asks for help. This support works well from Eloise’s perspective.
- The connection between important TO and FOR is addressed.
- Each is valued.
Balance is a work in progress. How many of us can say we found the “perfect balance” in our own lives? Probably no one! We try, fail, learn, and try again. Our experiences, both positive and negative, shape our approach to balancing important TO and important FOR in our own lives. This is true for all people at any age, regardless of what supports they need or choose to have.